ode to the passing through

oh I said I could hold your fears, I said I could hold them in my hand for you, I would use my infinite strength to keep them from your heart. Behold this stream's might. Behold my clenching fist aweakening. I am become weathered and my weariness burns. Unto the water I let slip, one by one, what you had entrusted to me. Unto the water in increments I let slip what you asked me to carry. And they pool and swarm and pool until back into your bosom you are left with a violent ocean for which you have no means to tame. Upstream the weight of my mistakes rot above us in the gathering clouds. I slice a piece of my heart, a bloody flesh downstream I send in desperation that it will help stand you and ours back up tall. Oh I said I could bring you peace, I said soon I will embrace you as brother, as sister, as myself. Just see. Just wait and see. Into the spider web ether I reach up my hand and feel the strength, strength enough to bond us forever and I bring to you a fistful of bright burning atoms. My brothers, my sisters I see you all stare shimmer eyed at the sky. I open my palm above you. I let go the stars for you. I let go the death shining of a billion suns hourglassed sands pouring. Oh brothers, oh my sisters, I hear you never more. With my dirty fingernails I excise the last ounces of my heart. Upon the snow'd mountain tops I build a fire and upon the flames I lay the flesh. I watch my mistakes as ash diaspora and flutter and settle as an insignificant dust all over your glassy tombs. Oh god, I said I can throw my light into your wasteland but I am become lost and seek peace in your darkness. Oh enlightened, I said I can be so still, so unwanting in your lotus bloom but with my insatiable yearning I sneak around your gardens blooming and plush fruitful, leaving poison in the roots. And, for you, I have no heart left to give. Oh I said to you my love, my family, my world, I have this for you left. I have a fistful of cancer black bestomached. To you all, as my silhouetted life stragglers walking and burdened neath the lonely yellow street lamps, I have for you all the insecticide bitterness of my mistakes tingling upon my tongue. Hear them scream Hear them yell I will become hoarse soon enough soon enough I won't say a thing and you will be free